Dear Colleagues and Fellow Building Residents,
It has come to my attention that there are several issues that need to be addressed.
1. Please do not pee on anything that is not a designated place to pee. Items off-limits but recently used as a venue for urination include the high chair, clean laundry, and my shoes. Anyone caught urinating in an unapproved place will have to wear the Hat of Shame for the rest of the day. This includes you, cats.
2. Barring extreme circumstances, I will give each of you ONE (1) bath per day. So before you coat yourself in a substance, think long and hard about whether you want to be wearing that until tomorrow/until we go to the pool.
3. I understand that my hair looks sad, but please consult me before adding watermelon or mashed potato to my locks. I really don't think they're helping. If I am going to wear your lunch, however, I do prefer the pre-digested version to the post-digested.
4. If you request an item of food, and I procure, prepare, and serve that exact item of food, you have lost the right to complain about it.
5. Toothpaste is for tooth brushing ONLY.
That is all.
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